Autumn's Ballad
by skybluescramble
Summary: One cold day, in autumn... she lets her thoughts bring all the memories.  ONE-SHOT


from **skybluescramble**:

it's my second one-shot.

this one is from Sakura's point of view.

i don't know if it's good, so please, leave me some reviews, please?

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><p><span>DISCLAIMER:<span>

Card Captor Sakura/カードキャップたーさくら

CLAMP©1997

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><p><strong>:: Autumn's Ballad ::<strong>

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THE GRAVEYARD I stepped in was still and silent. The rustle of wind blew the last maple leaves away from their trees. The coldness of autumnal wind brought the nuance of sadness and loneliness. Deep down under her feet, on the gravestone there lie the buried body of a close intimate friend of mine, Daidouji Tomoyo.

The kind-hearted young Daidouji having been my pal for seven years now had gone forever. No more smiles from her gorgeous face. No more beautiful piano performances played by her thin fingers. No more songs sung by her melodious, sweet, and clear voice. They're all gone. Nothing left but memories. The memories about her were so clear and real in my mind.

Her figure was playing in my imagination. Her smiles, anger, sadness, laughter, tears, spirit, beauty, enthusiasm, and everything about her was stuck in my head. My tears began falling down, no longer be restrained under my eyelid. The pain of longing stabbed me deeply in my soul. I loved her so much. She was my best friend forever.

"Tomoyo-chan, I really want to ask you something. You know what, you're so talented! You're beautiful, you can sing—I mean, you are _definitely_ able to sing—, and you also have an amazing ability in playing piano. Moreover, your mother has many connections. If you want, even without us, you can build your own career in music and become a young popular solo singer," I said once. "Now, here you are. Start everything from the very beginning and work hard even just to present our songs to people. Look, it's tough! Don't you think that it would be better and easier if you started your debut in a solo career than joined us making this band? Why, Tomoyo-chan, why do you want to do this?"

Then she smiled at me with her warm amethyst orbs and thin pink lips.

"You know, Sakura-chan, I love music since I was a kid and thank God I'm given such a great capability to it. You're right, I have a big dream to express and show my music to the world, but that's not the main point. When I met you, Eriol-kun, Li-kun, and Yamazaki-kun, I knew we have the same dreams. Then, why don't we struggle and reach it together? Passing through all the difficulties at first and sharing the pleasure in the end, while holding each other's hands," she explained, smiling. "For me, it's not only a band we built to reach our dreams. It's a realization of our friendship. We've been friends for so many years and you know that."

Her saying was awakening my soul, inflaming my spirit, bracing my passion. It also made me realize the real meaning of our friendship. That was Daidouji Tomoyo, always be a leader, motivator, and inspiration for us. She had the role. She always brought joy, spirit, sincerity, and hope.

However, she was only human. She could fall into the depths of despair, buried inside the sadness, and eventually, surrender. In fact, that's what happened to her last year. She was told that she was positive with HIV.

The fact was startling us.

A good-girl Tomoyo-chan contracted HIV?

I was terribly shocked. It couldn't be possible. Tomoyo wasn't a drug consumer. She also didn't do free sex or any risky behavior. We were best mates and I knew exactly who she was. It seemed like there's no possibility for her to be infected by such terrible virus.

But, by the next moment… I remembered that there is another way to cause HIV spreading.

_Blood transfusion. _

Of course I knew about it. Getting a car accident five months ago, she was seriously injured and lost a lot of blood. She obtained blood transfusion from the blood bank to save her life, which the blood donor was unknown.

Maybe this was what we call destiny. Something unexpected. The blood was given to save her, yet it practically brought the disease into her body. There was no one who knew that such a good intention would give a bad impact in the later result.

I knew it was not only me who was shocked, but also Eriol-kun, Syaoran-kun, and Yamazaki-kun as well. But deep down, I knew the most shocked one was Tomoyo. She was always a lively girl, at least until that disaster came. It seemed too hard for her to bear and I was really sorry for that.

After hearing the diagnosis, she started to hide herself. The recent Tomoyo was completely contradicted with the one I used to know. Her behavior became weird. She turned introverted. She also rarely went to school or came to our studio to practice. She was ignoring our messages, rejecting our calls, and refusing our visits. Until one day she appeared in the studio when we had a band practice. Her expression was sad, full of hesitancy, and dull. Almost lifeless.

Almost.

"Guys," she exhaled a long breath before announcing, "I quit."

Only three words. Then she turned around and walked away. What she said was so simple. Nonetheless, it broke everything. We had built this band for two years together and we had a commitment. Foremost, Tomoyo was the only one blessed with a talent to sing between us. My farts even sounded better than my singing. Eriol-kun? Don't ask him. Syaoran-kun sucks, and Yamazaki-kun was tone-deaf.

We were depending on Tomoyo.

My conscience couldn't accept her decision sincerely. I didn't want to let our struggle ended like this after all we'd gone through. Like she used to say, it's not only about the band, but it's about our friendship. I definitely wouldn't let it end.

I needed to talk to her.

In her large lavender-painted room, Tomoyo and I sat side by side on her bed. I was staring at her, even though she stared out vacantly to the drizzle out of the window. My hand held hers tightly.

"Tomoyo-chan, I appreciate your choice to quit. But you should know that you can't just do that to us. It's our band. _Ours!_ Can't you reconsider your decision? Please? For us?" I implored her.

"No. I think it's the best for us. If I stay, maybe I will cause trouble to you all. There's no reason for me to stay."

"It's not like that! Don't you know that you're the one who makes us tough? Come on! We need you, Tomoyo-chan, we can't do this without you. I know you are upset and angry with your current condition. But then, will you give up? Where is the Daidouji Tomoyo I used to know?" I cried.

"Please, Sakura-chan, you make this harder for me. I'm sick, Sakura-chan, I'm sick! And it's not a usual illness. It's disgusting when you're diagnosed HIV positive!" Tomoyo screamed in hysteria, tears started falling down her cheeks.

"You're an exception. You're not doing free sex and you're not on a drug either. That's not even disgraceful!" I argued.

"But why me, Sakura-chan? Why the disease chose me?" She cried. "Anyone could have got that pack of blood which contains this stupid virus instead of me!"

Silence.

I swallowed hard while trying to arrange one or two right sentences.

"Perhaps… perhaps this is what we call fate." I said in a voice that was just a bit louder than a whisper. "Something that God had written for us. You must be strong. The Daidouji Tomoyo I used to know was a tough girl. She has a big heart. Show your strength and courage, Tomoyo-chan, I know your heart still has it inside."

"What are people going to say? I'm afraid I would only be a nuisance for you."

"How come you are troubling us? You are our motivation! Don't give a damn on what people are saying, you are my friend and you'll always be. I will always stand by you, support you, and be with you till the end. We still can reach our dreams together."

"But what can a band with its member ailing HIV do? I'm just in your way, Sakura-chan."

"Open your eyes, Tomoyo-chan. Just ignore what people think about you, it's the time for you to show the world your talent and ability. If you think you don't have much time left, then just let the world listens. Make your life as meaningful as you can. Never let yourself drown into despair. You still have a life, your path still spread out. You choose it, whether to stay here under the shadow or ignite your light.

"You're not alone, Tomoyo-chan, we will always be on your side. Me, Eriol-kun, Syaoran-kun, Yamazaki-kun, even Chiharu-chan, Naoko-chan and Rika-chan. Now it depends on you. Will you keep blaming yourself like this or not? One thing you should know, you'll always have me."

She stammered. "Sakura-chan—"

Rushing to my arms, she embraced me tightly while howling.

"Thank you, Sakura-chan… Thank you."

At that moment, I knew my best friend had awakened.

She was back.

And so… we walked on and continued our journey. Just like what life was, sometimes we felt like being able to fly so high to the highest sky, but in a flash world seemed turn over and dropped us to the ground. But in the end, it would be our choice to keep sprawled on the ground or get up to start again. Like what Tomoyo did.

Time went by. Seasons passed by. Hours turned into days. Days turned into weeks. And weeks turned into months. Life brought fortune and bad luck in turn. At last, fate by its unfathomable plans was slowly approaching.

About a year later, Tomoyo fell ill and was hospitalized. She had a dengue fever.

We knew dengue fever was a dangerous disease. But what we didn't know was that the disease was about to take her life. Yes, after a week of hospitalization, she gave up her last breath.

One day before she died, there was a moment when she held my hands tightly and said softly, "Sakura-chan, although I'm gone, I believe you can make our dreams come true. With Eriol-kun and the others… I'm sure you can do anything. You are such great friends, I'm grateful to have you as my pal. Until now, I don't have a slightest regret."

I still couldn't believe that it was the last time I heard her voice. Now she was truly gone. In her nineteen years old, even before reaching the age of twenties, Tomoyo ran out of time. A good thing from her leaving was that she didn't have to suffer anymore. I kept telling myself that, because it was my only way not to weep about her. Tomoyo absolutely dislike it—if only she knew.

And I vaguely knew that she did.

She must be watching us from the heaven up there.

The wind blew coolly, waking me up from my daydream. When I was about to step out of the graveyard I turn my head backward and whispered, "Good bye, Tomoyo-chan. Hope you rest in peace. We miss you."

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**end.**


End file.
